kansha kangeki ame arashi....

I'll get to the point. I'm random.

I'm 100% (South) Indian and I'm from Canada. I am 100% Malayalee, meaning my parents are from the Indian state, Kerala, and they speak Malayalam. I love Japan. I'm Catholic and I love my faith and the entire package that comes with it. I don't mind discussing religion with anyone who has an open mind. I'm not Roman Catholic, I'm Malankara Catholic, one of the two Catholic rites in India. I love Jpop. I love Arashi. My favourite band member is Jun Matsumoto. Arashi is an important part of my life, and makes me both really happy, and really sad. I love anime and manga. I've started taking Japanese. I go to a Catholic high school I consider ghetto-like, Pope John Paul II. I have a wonderful group of friends that I've known for about a year now. I do freak out when it comes to sexual jokes, people pretending to be gay and sometimes, boys. =_='

All these things are things that I will often end up talking about. My posts tend to be extremely long. I try to summarize what I have to say at the beginning, but I have trouble doing that, so it's not always possible. If the post is to be so long that I wouldn't even read it, I'll give a fair warning, underlined, italicised and bolded. Usually, when it's that long, I'm writing it for myself, so I don't forget what happened (I often end up having a bad memory, unless I repeat the thing to myself many times). I don't necessarily expect anyone to read the entire way, unless they really have nothing better to do.

So... welcome. Be careful of the randomess. You never know when it could explode in your face. ^_~

Oh, by the way, this blog's neighbourhood-locked, so if you want to see the rest of my psts, you're going to have to add me. =D

During the holidays, I had two interesting dreams. One had Jun-kun and all of Arashi, and in the other one, it was an extremely weird rendition of Hana Yori Dango Returns' last episode, with me as Tsukushi.

This post will be of the first one, because I only have enough time to type out one.

I was older, an adult. Arashi was a bit older too I think. The first part of my dream was fuzzy, but I know I was out with Arashi, and I mentioned to them that I don't drink. It was evening/night and there was a lot of laughter. Each of them were my friends.

Suddenly, there's someone there after Jun-kun and I. We leave secretly, while the rest of Arashi leaves a different way. Jun-kun and I were going to take our separate cars, while the rest went with Ohno-san. Yes, Ohno had a car in my dream.

When we left the building, we were outside my elementary school on the other end of the street I live on. I was walking hurriedly to my car, which was a little down the street. Before I reached it, I saw Jun's car - a fast, sleek car - parked in the driveway of a house on a small street that attached to the one we were on. I decided to wait for him. I look back, and he's walking down the street, calm, and definitely NOT in a hurry. Kakkoi, even....

Then, instead of crossing the street to his car, he turns, and walks down the street. Something tells me he wants me to follow, so I do. We walk down the street, which looks nothing like it does in real life, and we come to a small, old, indecent looking place. Jun takes a step inside, before looking back, and smiling slightly, pleased that I followed without him telling me to. He goes inside, while I'm still walking toward the building. By the time I get in, I see him talking to a girl. She's Asian, in a playboy bunny costume, ears and everything, with black hair a little shorter than shoulder length. She loos like she might be mean, but I can tell she's somewhat nice.

He's standing at the end of a table, his back to the blinds on the windows. The girl's standing on his right, on the other side of the table. They're talking seriously about the situation, but you wouldn't know by their faces. she seems laid back, and I can tell they've been friends for some time. I go stand on the other side of him, and he knows I'm there.

The building has a lot of people for a small place, the tables are kind of close together, and there's alcohol in everyone's hands. Nobody takes any particular notice of anybody, but the girl eyes me in a curious way.

We see lights through the blinds, and we were all are alert. We glance toward the windows without turning our heads. Somebody comes in, supposedly the person who was after us. Jun-kun was looking at the table in front of him, and didn't look up. Only the bunny girl could see the face of the person, but I felt the person's presence.

As soon as the person entered the doorway, Jun-kun said, only looking up slightly, "Girls, kiss me on the cheek."

Both of us were surprised, but somehow, without thinking too much, in a swift and flowing movement, I took a step forward, and kissed his cheek. Before I pulled back, he turned his head in a certain way, and kissed my cheek as well. I felt my heart jump with surprise, but I took my step back after 2 seconds. I felt the person leave the area.

The girl had an amazed look on her face, not believing that I had actually done that. 

Then my mind decided to repeat that last scene over and over again, until I woke up.

So that was one of my dreams. I didn't want to interpret it, and so I just left it as is. so I can't tell you why I had such a dream, or where it came from.

I can't remember when this happened in my dream. It was probably when he started walking down the small street, or when he kissed my cheek. It was a flashback of Arashi......

All five of them were in a car, convertible to be exact. They all had a vacation at the same time, and they were going on a road trip or something. Aiba-chan, Nino-kun and Sho-chan were in the front, while Jun-kun and Ohno-san were in the back. I think Sho was driving, and they were in the countryside, with a paved road, but rolling hills, random trees, and so much green grass.

Everyone looked so relaxed. It looked like they weren't being overworked, and they could really go on a long trip without a worry. Everyone was happy, almost everyone was laughing, and it was really sunny. Like blindingly sunny. It looked like it was a few years back, because Jun-kun still had tha Momo hairstyle. But for some reason, they all looked so mature too. Like all their faces look how they do now, not the way they did before, with a tinge of child in them. I noticed it especially with Jun, Aiba, Ohno Sho. Nino, not so much - he still looked younger.

Riida used to be very quiet, much more quiet than he is now, no? And he didn't participate too much either. In this flashback, he was staring off into space, and Jun noticed. He wanted him to be a part of the group.

So Jun-kun goes, and leans over, practically on top of Ohno-san. He puts his face very close to his, moves it slightly to the side, and waits. Ohno-san looks confused, then somewhat annoyed, and then he understands. He kisses Jun on the cheek, and then Jun turns his head, and kisses him on the cheek as well, just like how he kissed me outside of the flashback.

Jun-kun sits back down properly, looking very pleased at the progress he's making, trying to get Ohno to be part of the group. Then Nino, being Nino, goes and says, "No Matsumiya in the back!", and everybody bursts out laughing, and even Ohno laughs.

It didn't make any sense, because Matsumiya would be Jun and Nino, not Jun and Ohno, but I suppose it did to them in the dream? *shruggs*

Ok minna, as promised, I must tell about the dreams I had last week.  For the one that had Jun-kun in it, scroll down to the purple font.

The first one, the one I had on the 13th, had Kyo in it.

It felt almost real. The situations were the same; I was still aware that he was together with Rika, I was still aware that I used to like him, etc.

Well, in the dream, he was stranded at my house, I think it was because of a blizzard. He was originally sleeping in our guest room. My room is right beside the guest room, and it used to be my room. In the middle of the night, I was still awake, and I went to check on Kyo.

When I did, he was still awake. Something made me think "He can't sleep because he needs love" and so I asked him if he wanted to sleep in my room. The guest room is always really cold in the winter, and really hot in the summer, so he said yes. I told him to go ahead, and I would come.

When I came, he was already in the bed, on the side I never use. I got into bed beside him, and I think he unknowingly almost put his arm around me. It was then I realised that I didn't have any pants on.

See, when I sleep alone, I usually wear a skirt, a long shirt or a dress, but when I sleep with another person, I always wear pants, shorts or capris. I suddenly felt really weird, so I went to put a pair of pants on.

Actually, I can remember what clothes I was wearing in my dream as well. The shirt was a shirt I got from running a 5 kilometre marathon with a shamrock on it, while my pants were my green pants I usually wear when sleeping.

I'm not sure, but if I remember correctly, he was trying to figure out what I was doing after I got off the bed, but I didn't let him find out.

Anyway, I got back in, and he looked all huddled and cold, and the thought "He can't sleep because he needs love" came through my head again. I was thinking about when he told me he was often beaten up when he was a kid, and the amount of pain I felt while I was a child came to mind as well. I put my arm around him, and moved myself closer to him.

He put both arms around me, but it no longer felt awkward. Even if we were in the same bed together, even though we had our arms around each other, it was as friends and nothing more. To anyone else, it would have seemed as if he were cheating on Rika with me, because of the situation we were in, but in our minds, it wasn't like that. It was simply as close friends, me reassuring him, him accepting my help.

We stayed like that for a while. It was actually relaxing. Then, he woke up slightly, and asked me if I could get him some chips. As far as I remember, I think he was referring to either junk food chips, or banana chips. I told him "Chips will only make you more hungry. I'll get you something to eat"

Now I go downstairs, and its bright there, like morning. Light is streaming from the windows, and the snow is shining. My grandma is cutting something at the kitchen table, my mom is cooking something, and there's light from there as well. She gives me an indiscernible look as I get a sandwich with peanut butter on it, but doesn't say a word. I know Kyo stayed over because of her, but somehow, she still didn't find it strange....

When I get upstairs, it's dark like at night. Outside, it's dark, and the streetlight is on, just like when I left, and it's still snowing. The night light in the hallway is also on.

I get into my room, and put the plate on the clean part of my messy desk. Somehow, just I know he eats it by the time I'm back in my bed, although I don't see it in my dream. I get back into bed, and I think once more "He can't sleep because he needs love" We end up in the same position as before, with me slightly on his pillow, but still using mine, with one arm on him, and both his arms around me.

We fall asleep like that.....

I wake up in real life, facing the way I was in my dream, and the first thing I see is a clementine on the pillow I never use, aka, the pillow Kyo was using. O__o

It was kind of scary that I didn't freak out about the dream when I woke up, and for most of that day.

I actually did some free-associating, and I found out why I dreamed what I did, and what my subconscious was trying to tell me about myself. I actually wasn't surprised.... but that didn't stop me from still freaking the next day of having such an odd dream with Kyo.

By the way, I shortened it a bit, and didn't go into as much detail as I could.

Okay, the second one I had that Monday morning, on the 15th, and Jun-kun was in it.

I was at a hockey game. Except it wasn't a normal hockey rink or anything. But I remember thinking "I can't believe I actually talked myself into agreeing with them to go to the hockey game." I was referring to my brother and my dad. I was alone at the moment though.

I was at the place, in a seat. The walls were beige, and the rink wasn't made to hold a lot of fans, definitely no where close as many people during a real hockey match. I was pretty close to the glass, but not very. I remember it being crowded, packed, cold, but warm because of body heat.

I left the rink, and outside in one of the hallways, there was a long wall made of glass, and it was on ground floor. Through it, you could see the fans in their seats really close, and you could still see the game. I think I talked to an adult man there, but I soon went back to my seat.

Before the game started, I saw my dad and brother through the arena/rink glass, on another side. I waved to them, and they waved back. My grandpa was with them as well. They started to get up to make the long walk over to me, but I motioned for them to stop and sit down, and that I was fine.

Some time later, still before the game started, I felt wet. It started from the calves up, and suddenly, I realised I was going to drown. Somehow, water was filling up around me, but no one else. The water wasn't above my head, and I was still sitting down, but I couldn't move properly because my coat, scarf, gloves and hair were soaked and heavy.

I've recently stopped swimming because I have trouble breathing when the water gets up to my throat now, and when I swim on my back, I get dizzy when I try to straighten up. Now it was up to my throat, and I could feel myself struggling for air. I could see the glass looking weird with the water... I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe....

Next thing I know, the game is starting, and I'm fine. Because I've never shown much interest in hockey, I leave the rink for a break soon.

I walk in the building, and the scene changes. I'm older, around 25 and I'm at someone's Christmas party, probably someone related my work. It's before Christmas, and I'm just there for formality's sake, and don't plan on staying too long.

I'm in clothes that I've recently bought in the real world -  my purple sweater dress, black tights and boots, purple earrings and necklace. I'm also wearing the ring I usually wear in the real world: silver-looking band, two clear gems, one bigger than the other, on either side of a larger black one in the middle. My hair is down, still layered, in my usual style, I wasn't wearing my clear braces anymore and I can't remember if I was wearing my glasses or not.

I think I was near the front door. The house was huge in area, not height, and the party was held farther into the house, so the front area was quieter, and nobody was there. The front area was also small, but cute, and I remember there were decorations I was looking at.

Some one I knew came where I was. It was a man, older, and he knew both me and Jun. In my imagination and in my dreams, most of the faces are blurry, some more than others. He was made up; I think he might have been American, and he was famous doing something in Japan's entertainement industry - director or something. He actually asked me about Jun, and how he was doing, to which I replied with a smile that I didn't get to see him much anymore and that he was quite busy being an idol and all. I kind of wondered where I got that answer from, but my mind skipped over it.

We kept talking about stuff, and I remember going up some stairs to a flat platform, that I wasn't quite upstairs yet. He came up along with me. There was a pole going down, and I suppose you could have slid down on it. I tried looking down the hole to see how far down it went, but I started blinking, and started to walk backwards. The man held me, laughed and told me to keep looking until I stopped blinking, but I couldn't do it. Funny thing is, I don't think I've been afraid of heights for years.

Then I spotted from the corner of my eye, someone with a purple shirt walking on the main floor. When I looked, I saw that it was Jun! My face light up, and after calling his name, I ran down the stairs and hugged him.

While I was hugging him, it clicked in my dream that I was married to him.

The ring I was wearing was my wedding ring!

OoO

But in my dream, I didn't freak or make a big deal of it, because I already knew that; I had been married to him for some time..... I think about a year or two.

In fact, all I felt was contentment at seeing him again. No ecstatic happiness, no excessive or obsessive questioning, just that, "glad to finally see you again" feeling.... as if we always saw each other, and were fine just knowing the other was okay. Like we were happy, but used to it.

Which, in my dream, I suppose I was.

After I hugged him, I saw what he was wearing properly. He was wearing a purple dress shirt, slightly shiny, rolled at the cuffs, I think, and one or two buttons undone, black or beige pants (I can't remember anymore), black shoes and I don't remember his hairstyle. *He changes it often, so if this did take place in the future, I wouldn't know what his hairstyle would be, would I?*

His age seemed around 30, which seemed strange to me after I woke up, because me and him have a 10 year difference in the real world, while in my dream it was only 5.

The other man was down the stairs by the time I had finished hugging him and we both had smiled at each other. All three of us started talking, along with him and Jun-kun talking to each other like pretty okay friends.

The three of us talking...... while I was standing closer to Jun-kun. In my dream, I had a valid reason becaue I was his wife! ^^

Then my dream faded away into black, and I woke up.

What happened before I had this dream, was that my dad had woken me up at 6 am like everyday, and instead of going back to sleep right away, I got up and watched him from the top of the stairs as he left for work. My brother and him were talking about the hockey game they're going to on the 30th, and he had asked me if I wanted to come. I told him I never liked hockey much, and it would be a waste. My brother was like "Oh c'mon, you never do anything" and I told him it would a waste if money and time. After my dad left, I went back to bed for 2 1/2 hours.

So that's where that's where the hockey game came in.

The rest, I don't know for sure. I didn't free-associate after I woke up, and the longer after the dream one does it, the less effective it is. The ring is still a mystery for me. I found ourt a few days later on Aivana's blog, that I actually wear my ring on the same hand and finger as Jun-kun does in real life......

O.O

I just realised that in my dream, me and Jun-kun are matching.... my top half was purple, my bottom half, black. Same with him..... at least they were different shades of purple, mine like this and his like this.

8/

Freaky dreams people, freaky dreams.....